Wello, lovely people around this wonderful globe of ours,
I have had a lot of feedback and a lot of questions posed to me over the last few days, I will try and answer them here and to the best of my ability.
DOUBTS & DO I HAVE THEM:
Even if you offered me all the chocolate in the world, I still could not lie, I am bl00dy petrified, and most of today, I reverted into my own world; I took a look at my diary and it hit me like 25 million slaps across my face, 3.5 weeks or 28 days until I set off on the 23 of March at 12noon to run across the Egyptian White Desert, 160 Miles in 96 hours; even after all the research, planning, preparation and training, those doubts come crawling in. I am human after all, that fear factor, that #mindset and that anxiety of feeling like I am going to fail. However is it fear of failure or is it just stepping into the known? Even as I type my heart is racing, thoughts cross my mind, will I get lost, (still need to get to grips with my GPS), will I get an injury, what will I do when I see a desert fox, or will I come face to face with a snake. Will my legs and muscles hold out? Will I eat enough, will I drink enough, will I run out of water, the list is endless. #lifeinsurance #insurance #travelinsurance - I have even resorted to #tapping (as in tapping my forehead) not tapping as in dancing (that would just be too much, plus my sons tapping shoes are far too small) and then to take my mind off everything, I spent the day in the kitchen cooking and baking. Am I mad, and I stupid, and I just to shite scared to face one of my biggest dreams? Then it hits me, what about your determination Janet...... how the hell have I managed to get through life thus far? How the hell did I come through the past 40+ years and all that that threw at me, how the hell did I get through those horrific situations? How did I manage to give birth and raise a child? How have I managed to get through trauma after trauma? How did I get through the last 3 months? How have I survived blood clot after blood clot? How have I coped with a child who could not use the toilet for 4 years, how have I coped on my own for years. I travelled the world on my own, how the hell is running across the desert that bad? Its just sand, and 160 miles of barren land, land that's exquisite and stunning in its own right. I have picked myself up from my DREADED DOUBT and with the positive attitude I have always had and with friends who are supporting me and with the amount of money I have raised thus far, I will overcome my doubts and use my DOWNRIGHT DETERMINATION TO STRIVE FORWARD.
DOWNRIGHT DETERMINATION & WHAT IS IT:
What is determination and why am I such a determined person? The truth is I don't know, in fact it is something I am working on with "Dr Darcy" at the moment; according to the Oxford Concise Dictionary, determination is the following:
Noun: the quality of being determined; firmness of
purpose: those who succeed because of sheer grit and determination or resolve,
resoluteness, will power, strength of will or character, sense of purpose,
decision, steadfastness, perseverance, persistence, tenacity, strong-mindedness
and backbone.
If you remember the film with Tom Hanks where is a washed ashore on a remote island after an air crash in #Castaway; we, you and I are all like his character, we all have the survival instinct, we are all born with it, it is just the more involved with life we become the more distant we become from our very selves and the less we rely on instinct. With instinct comes determination, with determination comes resolve and with resolve we can overcome. It may take time for one to realise this, just as with 'Tom' he eventually come to know, that if he did not use his determination to actually leave his 'comfort zone/island' he would never be found. Its the risk you take, and if you don't use determination and take that risk, life remains the same. Its that old cliché, "Nothing changes if nothing Changes". Which begs the question why I am so determined, what is it that drives me and why have I waited for so long to run the though the desert? I guess its overcoming the many obstacles in my life thus far, that has aided and or given me the awareness that, actually once the risk is taken, and even if I have failed, I have survived. Once could argue, that the desert is unforgiving and survival is not just about determination or grit or based on passed obstacles; indeed that is all correct, however the final element is CHOICE. Its always CHOICE. I chose to be determined, I chose to be positive and I chose to overcome, why because I know that I am living and to live I need to move and to move, I need to get up. Simples - we are born with inherent instinct and choice. We learn by choice and circumstance and for every action there is a reaction. Ultimately what is the worst that can happen? ... #DEATH, and am I scared of death? No, because dying is a part of living. I want to grow and I want to learn and I want to achieve my goals and dreams. I am determined too. So this is it, 27 days and I will be there, running my dream and achieve my goals; well one of them anyway. If I have overcome so much already and complete my run, then the rest is easy. The more you challenge self, the more you realise just how much you are really capable of achieving anything.
As in the great words of Nelson Mandela, "it always sees impossible, until its done".
You have to laugh at self to get ahead.
Its time for me to let go of my doubts and just do it. I have left my comfort zones many times now, failed and won, lost and gained, this is just another challenge, if I can make a difference to others by giving them a positive outlook, then I have done a good deed for the rest of my life. NEVER EVER GIVE UP.
With determination and #blisterfreewishes
Jani
#UltraMarthonVirgin
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