So here it is my first race for the year, in less
than 10 weeks.
I won’t lie, mentally my mind is on my son's
schooling issues as well as his ongoing battle to live a near as 'normal'
life as possible. Not only that but the GOV.UK info on the state of
Egypt. However I have been re-assured by Egypt's most notable National
Geographic Desert Expert that all is well.
To say that 2014 was both a tremendous high and a
horrendous low is an understatement, however, I can only but keep optimistic
that litigation and the good fight for my son goes on. I opted to
have a relationship last year but in all honestly, when idiots and
manipulators only want to destroy my spirit, I am better single.... and to give
those genuine hearts a chance. Running and or shuffling as I have been
doing to preserve my knee & shoulder has been hit and miss, and
getting into the zone has been a struggle despite my daily routine of life and
exercise. Despite my forced 120 miles a week, my mind has been in a dark
dark dark hole....... why.............. Well I am always achieving and
seeing results (in any shape or form) never a moment that I don't achieve, that
I often fail to see what I have gone through or achieved. I often fail to
see my achievements as I am so focused on my next resolve. But taking the
reality of my life, my son, court cases, losing my child, 3 major operations
and having cancer removed, plus University, it’s a wonder I am still running
and not slumped on my sofa eating 10 bags of chocolate a day. So taking my friends advice, I do need to give myself some
slack.
Why then am I doing another epic race when I am
feeling like I do, well, being away, and I mean away, where there is nothing in
the Desert, is like 356 degrees of hands on meditation; where I think of
absolutely NOTHING. When I say nothing, I mean nothing. It’s almost as if
someone has removed my memory. (Think of it in terms of an old computer
who's memory card has almost but given up the processing, once all the crap has
been removed, it functions again).
So why do an epic race when I am feeling like I
do? "Simple, to recharge my internal memory card"
I am not competing with anyone; I am competing
against myself period. I don't care who they are and or what others do, I
am competing for me. It’s such a humbling experience, knowing real down to
earth elite athletes, often one would think they are the most difficult, truth
is they are the most real and most supportive. I am not going to pretend
I was a born a runner; I was born a swimmer, a powerful long distance
swimmer, for a penchant of swimming 20 hours a day. But when the going
gets tough and the body says no more, Ultra Running/Shuffling has become my
next best friend.
Talking about best friends, Hazimoo aka Hazel Robertshaw, a lovely dear lady who has
had a similar life to mine, is one lady in a million, whereby we talk, share
and exchange a true love for supporting each other, we can chat for ages
on the phone, or on the sofa or wherever we are. It’s hard when your Bestie moves to another country, but it
allows us the opportunity to visit each other and value real time, even better
when we go on holiday. Which is in June...... can’t wait. I want to thank Hazel
for her continue love and support, for there are only a handful of people who
really know my life. Giving up is not an option; I am on the 99.2% of
giving up at the moment, so I have a long way to go to get into my 'normal'
zone.
As for a continued and improved 2015, despite the
upward battle, and being in a "black hole" I have purchased a special
'Domain' for a new venture. It was fate that it was available. My
friends nearby have been supportive too, and I can only apologise for not
seeing more of them, including Martin the Fox, especially on New Year’s Eve,
where I was wrapped up in stitches and having a tendon fit for only the compost
veg pile.
I have all the kit, just need a few bits. re: perishables, food and my much loved #Biltong, which if you ask any Saffa and or Zimbo, they will say "it's not food, but edible gold"; O and my renewed passport........But it's all in hand.
Sometimes, we have to ignore others to focus on
ourselves. Being selfish is not bad, for as I always state my main maxim of
life is the aeroplane analogy:
'When in an aeroplane and in distress, place
oxygen on your face first, then and only then can you provide assistance to
those who really need it'. Those who know me know that I try
simultaneously try and place oxygen on mine and others, this does not work; as
both manoeuvres can lead to disaster. Always BE #TRUE2SELF.
With that, let me go and eat some food, and
prepare myself for another long long day.
I am and will be going through a #re-branding and
as most of you can see, a name change has already taken place. The domain
will change in due course, but for now, we carry on hour by hour. Sending love to Peter my fellow #28er.
Run On and remain #true2self. #Blisterfreewishes always - Jani - aka the #FieryFreckle
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